Will my website ever be seen?

[grumpyoldman]

Hello Ros,

Isn't 'curmudgeonly' one of the finest and most expressive words in the English language. I must use it more. curmudgeonlyoldman.com - yes, it definitely has a 'ring' to it.

My, but you are fast. grumpyoldchef.com hasn't been submitted for eight hours yet. Even I've not seen it.
You are DEFINITELY the first visitor. With such esteemed patronage so early in the piece the fates must be smiling for a change.

Why would I clutter the place up with all the junk eBooks?

Simple, really. Nobody is going to buy cooking books or read anything about the subject. In the last six months my eBay store has sold less than $20 worth of cooking books. And these are at under $2 each.

It's a sad fact, but I'll have to accept it. I'm going to have to start spruiking high commission IM products if I ever hope to make more than $10 a week on line.

At least, with them, you don't have to worry about if they work - they don't, and you don't even have to read them. As long as you can write a glowing review, you're in the money.

Writing cookbooks, although enjoyable, will also have to stop. I have been "commissioned" to write a cookbook. I will not be doing so. The stipulation is that the book is AT LEAST 150 - 200 pages long and will be sold for about $10, which the publisher and I will share 50/50, after fees.

How many pages in the average "info" eBook, Ros? between 2 and 60 - all double spaced. price - $47 - $197 +.

I received an email, this week, from someone else who is trying to 'motivate me' LOL. He gleefuly announced that he found an old two page report that he'd written ages ago, fluffed it out to five pages, re-wrote it and sold 57 copies, in one week, at $97.

Nothing new, nothing useful, but LOTS OF MONEY for it. He proudly announced that he spent about 20 minutes to make that $5,000.

A 200 page cookbook would take close to a year to write properly and I am offered $4 a copy sold. If any sell, which is questionable.

Oh, and I nearly forgot, the affiliate links would be his. Not that that matters, I'm not bothering to put any links in anything more that I write. A waste of energy for 2 sales a year, and they were on USfreeads, none from eBook links. I'll never see that $22 from Clickbank. The sales were in early March, None since. No surprises there. To me, affiliate sales are an urban myth.

Seinfeld? No, never seen it. The phrase 'American comedy' is an oxymoron.

Oh, and as John Cleese once said "There is no such thing as US English. There is correct English or incorrect English".

I must tell Microsoft to fix their spellchecker. It is appalingly educated.

Again, you keep coming with the blog thing. Really, I'd have no idea where to start.

As I think I've said before, I've bought 3 books on Squidoo, have read them all at least five times each and still am no more enlightened about what Squidoo is supposed to be than before I downloaded them.

Apart from that, setting up a page on these things is nigh on impossible without a computer programming degree. In the case of Wordpress, you have to work for NASA.

No, I'm sorry Ros, I'll leave the blogging in the grubby hands of the spotty faced, testosterone pumped teenagers. That's where it belongs.

I have a friend who is most put out that, in six months of her sending me emails nearly every day with a link to her blog, I've never visited.

Why would I? I'm over 15 years old.

As usual, your comments are greatly appreciated and immensely enjoyed.

Thank you so much. To alleviate your tears I will tell you that reading your posts completely negates any feeling of doubt I may have about being online.

I'll be broke for ever, but richer for having read what you've written.

Bye for now, off to write my first 'review' of an obscenely priced eBook on SEO. At nearly two hundred bucks I'll have to delve deeply into my store of superlatives.

May the forks be with you,

grumpy {still no sig}

[jkeifer]

Grumpy,
Ros is 100% right about your site needing a blog! My blogging course is finished and I will be uploading the files tonight. I will then send you the link. I hope you find it inspiring and useful. Give it a try, what have you got to lose?

Through your blog people can get to know you much the same way we have gotten to know you through this thread. Your posts are entertaining, interesting, and a joy (plus a tear jerker) to read! I really believe that you will attract quite the following. Look at the following you've already accumulated via this thread. Now you can repeat this with your own blog.

Believe it or not, blogs are not limited to juveniles. I'm not sure where you got that impression. Blogging is a great tool, plus it's a great way to express yourself.

Do you realize how many adults there are who are bored at work and love to read blogs on the subjects that they're interested in? Do you know how hard it is to find truly well written blogs by talented writers such as yourself? Think about it!

Download the course, follow each step, and you'll begin a new and wonderful chapter in your life!

All the best,
-Jack

[grumpyoldman]

Jack, my friend, how nice to hear from you again,

Seeing as how the misfortunes of Grumpy seem to be prime time viewing on this forum, I may just start selling advertising.

As it appears that everybody seems so interested in this comedy of errors, I thought that I'd bring you all up to date, seeing as everything else I've touched today has turned to dust.

Everybody seems to have this blog fetish. I really cannot understand why.

If I search for something on Google and I see the word 'blog' in the URL I automatically avoid it like the plague.

I've had my website for two weeks and have not yet been able to manage to make one single reciprocal link. Far too complicated a procedure, so I'm giving up after four days of the most unbelievable frustration.

I decided to lower my standards to rock bottom and try something on Squidoo. I spent the best part of two days working out how to set up an account and make a page, (no - it is NOT a lens - it is a page).

Anyway, all went well, finally. Except for a minor glitch. I made a spelling error in my email address (dodgy one, of course, set up just for Squidoo - to go with the false name) consequently, I didn't receive any confirmation email, didn't confirm the account and therefore can't access the account or the page. Another fine way to waste half a day.

This will, mercifully for you all, be a short post as I feel that my time will be far more gainfully employed reading a novel than trying to make a quid online.

Financial news for this week:

Ads on USfreeads 89
Affiliiate ads on USfreeads 49
Items on eBay 118
Items on other auction sites 253
eBooks "going viral" LOL with 20 affiliate links in each 400
Items on website 150

Total Sales for the week ending July 6th = $1.83

Last affiliate sale, March 3rd 2007 ($6.83)

What would you do for comic relief if I wasn't here.

Have fun all you lucky, lucky people.

grumpy

See, Ros, still no sig. (actually, I might make that my sig).

[jkeifer]

Grumpy!
Congrats on possibly being the first to defy the laws of IM physics! 921 items and $1.83 in sales!
Proof positive that the law of attraction is real, heh heh.

I see $6.83 in affiliate sales. Perhaps you should find items with better payouts. Six bucks seems hardly worth the effort to me.

Good job on breaking into some web 2.0 stuff! Squidoo is a good start. Yeah, how 'bout that "lens" thing eh?

Regarding the trouble you're having with back links. Your sig would be a great start & I'm sure you won't be offending Ros. That's what they're there for. Just a hint- without being spammy of course, include your most relevant keyword in your sigs or blog comments (where permitted) for a better quality back link.

Some simple back link methods that might be helpful :
Find some blogs relevant to your niche and offer some useful comments. Blogs with good page ranks are a plus.

Do the same thing with forums and use your sig! Since you already contribute very good postings, I would think you deserve a back-link, right? You've earned your keep, so to speak. Don't feel guilty.

You can also do a back link search on Google of your top ranking competitors and see what link directories & forums / blogs they use. Then do the same thing by back-linking on the same sites.

To do this, first do a search using a keyword relevant to your niche to find your top ranking competitors. Then to find their back-links, for example, to see back-links to "w w w.competitor.c o m" you would use the "links:" command in Google, ie - "links: w w w.competitor.c o m"

Forums, blog commenting, link directories, squidoo, article marketing, and a host of others are fairly easy ways to get back-links and exposure.

Grumpy, you're a guy who never gives up, that's truly admirable. I see a bright future for you just waiting to spring outward. Open that door just a bit more and let it happen!
-Jack

[grumpyoldman]

Hello Jack,

As usual, excellent advice.

With $1.83 in sales you think I have a niche? I can't afford one. LOL

As for the $6 affiliate sale, that is the only cheap one on the list. The other 48 items are all $30 - $50 which is obviously why nobody buys them.

I've long maintained that only Internet Marketers pay more than $2 for an e-Book.

One of the products I have is the #1 selling weight loss program on Clickbank and one affiliate is supposed to have made $50,000 in commissions in 3 months with it alone.

I've had it there for 5 months with 1000 visits and no sales.

This whole thing is just comes down to luck, really. Either you're lucky and you make sales or you're unlucky and you don't. There's no use worrying about it or straining the brain to try new strategies, it won't make one iota of difference.

Your comment of the 'law of attraction' concerns me. I do sincerely hope that you're not another brainwashed by 'The Secret". it contains about as much relevant advice as a copy of 'Mad' magazine. And nowhere near as entertaining.

The links thing will take some time to work out, but I will get there. The trouble is they all give me massive chunks of HTML to paste into my site and my site just wants a simple URL.

Squidoo - now there's a thing. A total waste of time, of course and, Jack, I had no idea it was 2.0. What IS 2.0?

Don't get too excited about me venturing into the this exciting new world. Squidoo to me is one text module with text. That's it, nothing else. All the other whistle bells, yes, and even pings, will never be touched. I'll leave that to the children who like to play online.

It is purely to relieve boredom as I am perfectly sure that no-one will read anything I write. I'll make my one post and never re-visit it. No module for comments on Grumpy's posts. keep your opinions to yourself!

Articles and blogs are also consigned to the vaults of the un-read. They are a great way for frustrated authors to actually get published without the fear of anyone having to go through the agony of reading their work.

Forums - well, this is the only one that I visit. I used to visit WF but realised that it was just a millionaires club and I didn't belong there.
If you can't post that you made $20k last week you don't exist. Although I seriously doubt that any of the figures posted, or in sales letters, are true, I still cannot bring myself to tell people that I'm making a fortune when I'm not.

Photoshop must be making a fortune selling software to make all those Clickbank and Paypal statements.

Thank you, Jack, for the videos. I'll watch them today. However, it's all academic. I have just passed the one year mark selling on line and am nowhere near $1000 in sales. I realise that, for me, there is no money to be made online but I'll just keep going for the entertainment value and not really bother too much with this "building an online business" joke.

You're either smart or you're dumb. As one of the Warriors answered one of my posts once "Give it up, get out of the business, there's no room online for losers".

I won't give it up - sorry - but I just won't entertain any more fantasies of being able to make a profit online.

Grumpy
{still no sig.}

[grumpyoldman]

My sincere apologies for the above post having two typos.

I can't think what came over me not re-reading it my customary ten times before posting.

Sorry lads and lassies, it won't happen again.

Grumpy.

[jkeifer]

Grumpy,
As usual, very interesting post. Maybe the affiliate who made $50,000 in commissions in 3 months sold to everyone who was ever going to buy the book, heheh. Personally, I would take that claim with a big grain of salt. I'm curious about where your affiliate page is located for that item. I would like to check out your pre-sell copy / review. There must be some reason beyond bad luck that you had 1000 visits & no sale.

As for "The Secret", I've seen the movie. It was enjoyable & inspirational, but it really tells you nothing practical that I could see. I first came across the principal back in the late 70's. The biggest mistake most people make is that they focus on getting rid of a problem or changing a situation in their life, which only attracts more of the same problems back into their lives. When you understand the simple 'trick', it really does yield results. Maybe the simple mindset of acting upon subtle opportunities as they appear is what really makes the difference. These are the things we attract which then must be acted upon, or you will end up with nothing as usual.

As for WF, I think you're better off staying out of there and concentrating on the things that are really important, like building your business. Don't become a forum junkie. Personally, I don't see it as a millionaire's club, quite the contrary... more like a loser's club.

Web 2.0? Well, I may not have the best definition in the world but I believe it is essentially a set of principles evolved from older web applications that now define the newer web apps. For example, technologies involving blogging, flickr, del.icio.us / social bookmarking, AdSense, stuff that was developed to work after the 'dot com' crash of the 'web 1.0' era. Probably to most people it's just a buzzword to make them sound more intelligent to other internet people.

Grumpy, since you're not out to be successful anyway, try doing some things that are the opposite of what the 'herd' is doing. If a 'guru' is trying to steer you in one direction, maybe you should be looking in the other. Confused yet? Good. That's a start.

I bet people here (myself included) would be very happy to check out some of your reviews and help you determine what is wrong with your conversions.

Excellent comment about Photoshop & the ClickBank profits! I fell back in my chair laughing so hard! spot on!

Keep Pluggin' away Grumpy!

-Jack

[grumpyoldman]

Just a postscript to my previous reply, Jack.

Please don't mock my $6 affiliate sale. It's the second biggest sale I've made in 13 months and I'm very proud of it, thank you very much!

The biggest was $15, my OTHER affiliate sale.

Mind you, seeing as, in a year I've not reached $50 Clickbank are being very miserly and not sending me a cheque.

I'm not holding my breath until I reach the $50. Another year, no doubt.

I sell e-Books, remember. $2 is a good sale price for an eBook. If I get over 99c (less about 50c fees) per sale, I'm doing well.

How I love coming here. It's almost a pilgrimage to worship at the feet of people making lots of money.

See you next trip - you lucky, lucky people.

[jkeifer]

Grumpy,

[grumpyoldman]

Hello again Jack,

My $6 sale did have a 50% payout!

Mind you, both of my sales were in early March and that was the "rush". Nothing since, or in the future.

It's sad, but it appears that people just do not buy from affiliate product sellers.

I have pages and pages of affiliate links, they're all worthless.

I'm even 'pushing' {for me, anyway} the #1 selling Clickbank product. Have been for six months or more. Not one sale. Didn't really expect one.

I really don't think that there's anything else to sell online but eBooks.

I have expanded my horizons in that I now list IM eBooks which I refused to do for the first six months as I don't think there has ever been one written that has helped anyone make any money.

But I thought to myself, "Self, if everyone else is making money out of selling useless junk you should get in on the act too".

Unfortunately, it seems that no-one buys eBooks on internet marketing, so that idea backfired on me.
I've not sold a single IM book in eight months.

As for the blog. Sorry Jack, it'll never happen.

One, too complicated to set up.

Two, I have no advice for anyone on any subject and blogs seem to be all about people that know little or nothing trying to convince everyone else that they are an expert on everything.

And three, no blog that I wrote wrote would have any chance of being read by anyone, except by you, of course, that goes without saying.

[grumpyoldman]

Jack, Where are you???

I have momentous news.

Ros, too, come and join in the excitement, frivolity and general wonderment of the occasion.

Grumpy has relented and decided to give you.....

"A signature line"!!!!!

Check it out below and be amazed.

Then click on it and sign up, better still, buy something. Do you think I've been entertaining you all, for this length of time, just for my health?

My self-written Pasta Book is only recommended by weight watchers if you like to watch a lot of weight.

Well, you'll probably not be actually amazed, underwhelmed would be closer to the mark, but I'm working on it.

I've a couple of new e-Books written, so if you know anyone capable of making affiliate sales Grumpy may just be interested.

Before I go, does anyone know if there's any truth in the rumour that Ros gives a free download of her fantastic e-Book to the initiator of any post with 2000 views?

It seems like an admirable, even philanthropic idea to someone as curmudgeonly as my good self.

Sorry I missed August First, but Happy Birthday to all you horses out there.

Bye for now,

and if you get my Pasta Book.....
"May the Forks be with You".

Grumpy

[Lafilliate]

I'd like to write this in detail, but I feel that it would take too much time to write and explain. And I know that your very negative on this issue and I won't get into any kind of battle of the minds. But I will say this, there are ways to beat the search engine wars. It took a lot of research and investigating by myself, I had no help from anybody. But if you use your brain and take the time to research you will find the answers I found. You will be surprised what you can do for pennies! There are angles that you would not think of unless you do the footwork.
good luck

[grumpyoldman]

Well hello there Lafilliate {or should it be L'Affilliate - French, you know}.

As usual, I have no doubt but that you are correct.

However, it does seem that getting visitors and making sales are at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I have no comprehension of the stats on my site so I don't even look at them - they tell me nothing. But a friend, who has the kind of technical education required to understand these advanced things, told me that I'd had 800 visitors in July.

This, I feel is an almost unbeatable amount of people and it quite stunned me. It can only go down from here.

I only assumed that I had no visitors as I had no sales or sign-ups for four months.

You are also spot on regarding my negativity. However I do feel that if you'd been selling on one website, eBay plus two other auction sites and also on USfreeads and your Total Sales in Fifteen Months were less than $700 you may just be a little negative about Internet marketing too.

As far as research and investigation into search engines is concerned, again, I'm sure that you are, once again, correct. The trouble with your reasoning, as far as I can see, is that you have to know what you are supposed to be researching or investigating.

I have no idea and even if I did, I'm sure it would be far too technical for me to understand. I have countless e-Books on SEO and I've never got past page one with any of them.

To be truthful, in two years, I've never got past page five of ANY e-Book. They are all totally incomprehensible to anyone without a degree.

I sell e-Books on IM, but I've never been blessed with the intelligence required to even comprehend Internet Marketing for Newbies.

I've not even tried to watch a video or listen to an audio {I have no idea what an MP3 or a podcast is - sounds like something to do with peas}. These technological advancements are way past my scope of education.

As for doing footwork, I don't know if this counts, but I do spend at least 16 hours a day in front of my computer and I never do anything else except to go shopping once every two weeks, I don't even talk to anyone except my cat, for weeks on end.

I'm sure that I could get the supermarket to deliver if you thought that it would be of assistance to me.

Anyway, thank you so much for spending what I'm sure is valuable time trying to be of assistance to a terminal case of "no sales syndrome".

I really do appreciate it - seriously.

Thank you again, and may you go forth and prosper.

Going forth and multiplying is not such a good idea. Thankfully I've never had the urge or desire to addressed as 'Daddy". {Shudder at the thought}.

Very best wishes.

Grumpy

[Lafilliate]

I understand your frustration and I seem to forget that I do understand the Internet and web sites from a technical view. It does help to know the electronics and the software. But as I am fairly new to Internet marketing I can’t advise anybody until I make it happen myself. I apologize that I can’t help in more detail, but when I quit my full time job I’ll be back with real tips and tricks. But for know we need to keep trying and stay connected to this forum. Take ROS advice and use it. If you haven’t got her book, buy it.
And we must not forget to remember the frustration we must endure so we can help others when we are successful.
Good Luck
PS
Experts say if you have enough traffic and your sales are less than 1% than something is wrong and you need to change something.

[grumpyoldman]

Hello again Lafilliate,

Thank you for such a nice polite reply.

These are a feature of this forum - except for mine, of course, Ros says that I'm curmudgeonly - and I thank her for the high praise.

I'm sure that with your optimism and obvious experience, quitting your job and making a living on line will be quite attainable. Very good luck to you.

"Experts" in IM are people that have been online three months and can take someone else's e-Book and re-write it and sell it for $47.

They're the last people that I'd listen to.


As for 1% sales - I should be so lucky. hahaha I have now had nearly 30,000 visits to my USfreeads listings with the grand total of TWO SALES.

I keep paying my $10 a month just to see if I can make the 100,00 mark with still only sales of $22.

I'm afraid that I don't really take seriously the premise that any money can be made online. Unless, of course, you are very very lucky.

I do watch this forum with interest but I must admit that I've not bought Ros' book.

No offense intended, but I don't believe that the book's yet been written that has helped anyone make a single sale.

They just pad the author's bank account and leave the buyers with a little less money and wondering what they did wrong.

However, I will make frequent visits and even less frequent sales.

My insane British sense of the ridiculous keeps me going month after month.

Bye, everybody, it's time to go. 5.10am.

Grumpy