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johnbuer
Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Posts: 7
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Griff Grumbein
Moderator
Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 301
Location: Off-Grid
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 Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:52 am Post subject: |
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To me, THAT is a long squeeze page lol!
Remove the apostrophe from the word "example's" in "Here Are Some example's of the private. . ."
Reword this phrase: "Please, I beg you not to pass this opportunity up." Don't beg anyone, make them feel like they will be missing out if they don't. Make it say something like "ACT NOW, because it just may be gone when you return!" (THEY need to feel desperate, not feel like YOU are.)
(Just my $.02) |
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BradleyD.Haslam
Moderator
Joined: 25 Apr 2006
Posts: 310
Location: Ogden Utah... The great vacuum of the west!
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:09 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Don't beg anyone, make them feel like they will be missing out if they don't. |
This is a proven fact.
No matter what your meaning is,
there are certain trigger words you want to avoid.
"Beg" is one of them.
- I like the gold testimonial boxes,
but stats still show the light yellow works best.
Under them is the light blue.
BUT, this is changing. I say "test it".
- I would NOT mention this being a membership site
in the title. Instead, wait till much later in the letter,
after you show some value with your content/offer.
- I'm really sorry. But I can't make myself
read the actual letter right now.
I have a miserable head cold.
BUT, I can say this about the structure.
ie: Not enough white space.
You need to make the first paragraphs
more like the sections under the testimonials.
(It's part of why I couldn't read it!!)
Think "easy on the eyes".
Think like a scanner.
When a visitor hits your page,
what's the first thing they see?
And what does that first sight offer?
You're pitching to marketers.
And you know it's a tough crowd. (right?  )
Heck, I even look at the scroll bar!
(to see if I have the time or possess mood to read it.)
This first section is where you should start your tests too.
Test EVERY element, starting with your headline.
Before you spend a penny on ppc,
have 10 headlines ready for testing.
(And a couple of different layouts)
Sorry to be quick about it, K?
But it's time for this boy to go take some niquil and lay down.
...figures I'd catch something right before Christmas 
It's all good though, I'm a fast healer.
(too damb stuborn to stay down. LOL!)
Hope it helps some!
Chat later!!
Brad. |
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walker22
Joined: 01 Apr 2006
Posts: 36
Location: Las Vegas
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| Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 10:09 am Post subject: |
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Well, I couldn't read very far into your page because the font you used was so tiny that I immediately started getting eye strain and gave up.
So, my first recommendation is: Make the text easy to read. I'd try using at least a 10 or 12 point font so that it's easy to read. Don't make the visitor work hard to read your text. Most won't go to the trouble if you treat them like this.
So, I would start there first.
I did like the look of the gold and blue background but didn't read the text.
Hope that helps a little bit. |
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